GRATITUDE

grat·i·tude
/ˈɡradəˌt(y)o͞od/
noun: gratitude
the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

24th of March, 2015 NYC

I spent good part of my brain storming hours debating between commitment to write or commitment to my body as a temple.
First things first.
I come from humble origins.
I don’t need the latest model, just a functioning one.
I don’t need the most expensive brand.
I do however, care for quality, finishing, and pleasantry.Thanks to the artist in me.
The artist in me doesn’t mind the simplest kind, but is deeply stressed by broken, stained or croocked.

Today, when the artist in me was just about to bitch at mine “of the simplest” kind blinds, it hit me that the three segments wich brought all this disharmony into the day were bent by then eleven years old Rachel, and my heart smiles.
They got bent. So what?
Now, they are a reminder of a person I love. Of her visit from Brasil a little while a go, and of all the joy I experienced holsting her and taking her around.

How did I become so grumpy?
In my teens, after experiencing the pain of loss for the first time I became very defensive, as a self preservation mechanism.
I chose to focus on people’s faults reather than on their qualities in order to not get atacched to them.
I held on to this mechanism so tightly that it became a permanent thing.
Boy, it made me miss out on so much.

My parents taugth us to only- if at all- compare ourselves to people less fortunate than us.
That we would eventually realize how blessed we were. So true.
Their advice, alongside with the character Pollyanna’s “glad game” always helped me to deal with frustations and adversities.
Involved  with “not looking into myself” I didn’t realize it got lost over the years.
Now that I do, I intend to find it.
Therefore, I choose to commit to gratitude today.
It’s a no brainer. If one stars listing motives to curse and to thank, the motives of the latest would never stop popping up to mind, while the others would just
pop up ever more scarcely, if not ceasing all together.
Even because if you are thankful for what you have you take a better care of it, you don’t take it for granted, you don’t lose it.

My first action as “commited to gratitude” was to star a little project -suggested by my mom on Thanksgiving*- up.

In a cool pig bank, fancy box or even in an empty Crown Royal sack **, place a piece of paper where you gave thanks to something. Everyday, during a whole year until Thanksgiving.
Supposedly it’s mind blowing  how blessed your life is.
I am thankfully doing it.
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.
It turns what we have into enough, or more.
It turns denial into acceptance.
Chaos to order.Confusion to clarity.
It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home,
a stranger into a friend.”
Melody Beatti

“As we express our gratitude,
we most never forget that
the highest appreciation
is not to utter words,
but to live by them.” J.F.K

………………………………………………………………

*Sorry mom.To quit procrastination will be one of my commitments at some point. ❤
**like in my case 😉

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Commitment

MONDAY
23th of March,2015  NYC

Firsts and Mondays.
World wide committer’s choice for a good day to commit.
It’s human nature to sense wrong.To try to improve. To tend to procrastinate.

As I’d surfed the waters of depression and absence of accomplishments (I would even sadly say real purpose in life), I’d dived into some analysing:
Where did I go wrong?
How did all the prospect of a bright future get lost?
How did I become this person I am so not proud of?
Bad circumstances?
Bad choices?
Went through denial, so oftenly blamed it on others,wich just led to additional anger and despair,on a vicious cycle of  darkness and unproductivity.                              Just plain sting all around.

Monday morning.
On this morning I plead guilty as charged.
For the results of my choices and actions. For the lack of commitment to myself, to what i believed, and to what I desired.
For all the charges above and perhaps for others yet to be discovered.
Both of us.
My inability to commit and I.
Guity as charged.

Today a midlife crisis ends.
Today “the rest of my life” takes over and inaugurates with commitment.
Commitment to commit.

Today is also a first.
The first day of a year long project.
I intend to make a commitment a day.
I am excited.
It will be a year of collecting the essence from the waste and prepping it towards great usage.
I’ll be keeping a journey diary. Looking forward to share it.

Day One:

Today I commit to commit .To myself,and to my beloveds. To our health, dignity, honor and prosperity.
Today I commit to a step a day towards the best we could possibly be**.

**”accepting the things I can not change and courageously changing the ones I can…”